December 2011
1 post
NYC New York Color
I joined a website called Influenster not so long ago. They send you products to try out for free. I received my first Vox box and low and behold one of my favorite brands was included. I love NYC New York Color. I get the stuff all the time in Duane Reade. But this time I received a full size complimentary NYC New York Color Liquid LipShine. And I must say I adore it. It is actually going to be...
September 2011
4 posts
3 tags
4 tags
July 2011
2 posts
http://perezhilton.com/2011-07-25-alexandra-stan-mr... →
I actually like this song
With all that’s going on I can’t stop thinking about Pete. I miss that man so much. I’ve finally realized that I have never loved anyone after him. My love for others had always been a lie. I lied to them and myself because I wanted so despretly to move foreward n try and have a family. That’s all it was, a lie. but pete was different. He was my soul. I tried with alex, but...
June 2011
6 posts
Open eyes
Through my eyes I see reality
You can no longer get the best of me
This facade I have foresaken
My heart no longer breaking
From all the lies and deceit that have been unroused.
Once alive
Now barely breathing
The fight for you is no longer appealing
I see you.
The thoughts move so fast, spiralling out of control.
There is no hope
All there is is pain.
You see the guilt.
You see the anger.
But what everyone else sees is nothing but glamour.
The noise, the sight, the smell of despair.
All of which has rotten you to the ground.
You believe you are lost.
You believe you are doomed.
Because all you can see is the chaos consuming you.
Remembrence
In the abyss grows a hunger
There is no destruction, there is no chaos.
Just a silent yearning
From that which was thought lost.
Where am I going?
That which once stood grounded, surrounded by darkness
Is now alone in a field full of light, wanting to jump and take flight.
Fear from that which is unknown, wanting to cleave to the dark abode.
That is not foreign, that is just home.
Shattered
I told someone today, “I was shattered six years ago. Now I am broken, It is my acceptance that I will always be broken in someway that makes me stronger.” I feel what lies ahead I can approach head on because thought I may never be whole again, but that just makes me less easy to hurt and more easy to face all the obstacles thrown at me.
May 2011
2 posts
What this woman wants
I want to stay clear from the stereotype I date. I want to try a different type of guy but why is so hard to date and meet new people. All I attract are the same breed, and I just need something new. I need to get out of this funk.
There is only so much Yo gabagaba a woman can watch with her daughter before she realizes how depressing her social life really is. When you know all the commercials and yet you have not had a date in years there is a problem.
April 2011
5 posts
I’m alone in my head. U can’t reach me. This is not my life. This is not life. This ous not really what is going on. They say don’t say they can’t be worse because you are asking for trouble. And that’s what I did.
Its when u have those “aha” moments that u just want to just kick urself in the ass. But then are grateful you can just pick urself back up again.
Everyone strives for happiness, but happiness comes in strides. Pain, anger, hurt, obstacles, ups and downs are more often then anything. But what always needs to be remembered is that life happens and happiness comes to those who seek it out.
March 2011
3 posts
I wore my wolf pack ring today. There is no special significance. I purchased it for me and one for al last year. One of the few wolf rings I actually like. So I wear it. Whether its to work, or to school, or anywhere else. I really don’t care. If people ask what it is, its a ring of wolves. So today someone noticed it, and said what they always do, except they out more emphasis and more...
February 2011
5 posts
So I am looking at a friends post this morning and im saying to myself this girl never fucking learns. You are obviously saying someone does not know if they want to be with you when though the ball is in your court, what part are we not understanding here. I love her, I love all my friends. But honestly I don’t know why their choices stress me anymore. Its their choices. They are grown...
I’m back to the point that I don’t want to eat. I’m just not hungry. I’m not even starving myself. One day I was gorging on chocolate and chips and the next I was not in the mood for food. I’m not depressed. Our at least I don’t think I am lol. I am just to busy to be depressed. Work has been hitting me hard, but as much as I may complain I like it. I like a...
This used to be what my heart truelly felt...
When I look at u my eyes see perfection, not because u r perfect, only because u r u, and that is perfect for me.
Even though I have a great support system, I really sometimes wish I was not a single mom. Things would be so much more simple if I were in a miserable relationship.
January 2011
4 posts
I realized y I’ve been in such a bad mood. I can’t believe it didn’t dawn on me that friday is the anniversary of when my heart officially broke n never repaired. Six years of agonizing heartbreak and trying to be normal. Instead I have just made my heart more broken and worn out. And it is seeking someone to mend it not harm it. I just can’t seem tofind that special man...
My daughter has a party in school for valentines day. Is father/ daughter-mother/son. I wanted to cry. She said mayb I can take grampa. She is stronger then me n gives me strength.
At midnight I will lay to rest and let her take over this mess. I said for the new year I would give up all the pain, and learn to let go in spite all the rain, that seems to be weighing me down more and more. Let her do all the damage control.
December 2010
5 posts
Its almost christmas and I am so not on the mood. I’m preparing to be extremely disappointed.
Lunabelle wants to b out in full force, and after a day like today I don’t blame her. I’m going to let her play and I’m going to take a break.
Struggle for sleep
Half my body if about to pass out, and the other is holding on for dear life to stay awake. Y no clue, I do know I wanted to get up at 5 am…so no bueno.
Not looking, but its coming from all the wrong places. Just want it to feel right. And flowers sent to my job would be nice lol.
My life is definitely not what I expected it to be, but it is what it is and I am grateful to have it.
November 2010
10 posts
I’m not readh to settle. I don’t want to go back to that place. I just want to sit and keep thinking about a wonderous embrace, with no attachments, with no fear. Because I dont always want you near. I want to be able and pull away, I want to be able to tell you to stay. And not wonder if you will get the wrong idea. Because I only want you sometimes near.
Happy Thanksgiving
I actually feel alone right now. Everything if done, I’m alone at home and I’m lonely.
I’m sad and I’m lonely.
I gave up on you because no matter how hard I tried it was never good enough. It made me realize that I should have continued my adult hood the way I did my childhood, without you. Because we know who was important then is who is important now . They were wrong when they said I was there to draw you away, because I never could have even if I wanted to. My children are better off away from you, the...
Why an I feeling so empty inside. It times like this I just want to fly away, so far away and let the wind take me where it may
I see myself and I am disgusted today. Time to try and sleep it off.
lol. I remember when I was real young my mom dating a man with my last name. Then they got engaged and I was estatic. We would all be together as a family and have the same last name. When they broke up I was sad only because what were the odds my mom would find another man with my last name. I look back and wonder y this memory always sticks out. N then I look at my two girls with different...
What do u do when u wake up angry. But have to suck it down because u don’t want to take it out on anyone else. I can’t take this feeling anymore. Its eating me alive. Sad part is I was fine. But certain people just know where to push my buttons. Makes me realize how bad they r for me and that friends is not an option. I don’t miss u anymore. =(
Sadder part is that this is my...
October 2010
7 posts
I was told today that I have anger iSsues. That I need to learn to control it. Wow was all I could think. But what I wanted to respond was no shit, like I don’t know this already. Problem is I don’t think there is much more I can do. I have tried a lot of things but I just can’t let it go. It feels like this parasite that just sucks all this negative energy into my system. And I...
Yesterday and today
Yesterday I was a grown up. I was hot I was sexy I was in my element. I felt wanted by my friends.
Today all the happiness faded. Y do I let them upset me. Is everyone right? Does he do things to punish my happiness?
I feel they r wrong. He no longer cares. He is just being him.
Today I feel lonely. I am hurt. I am in pain. And all everyone sees is a lie. I am not wanted.
Ok so I am becoming anti social. So what if I want to run in the other direction of questions or basic comments. Y is everyone interested in my life. There are some who never bother to ask and all of a sudden pop up. Well ok then. Will I be 100 percent honest. Ummm no. What I am thinking about is how to get some other people to stop asking me what I am thinking about! N sad thing is that some...
